Practice mutuality

“When you declare your dependence on others, they usually agree to help. And during the course of making you a better person, they inevitably try to become better people themselves. This is how individuals change, how teams improve, how divisions grow, and how companies become world-beaters.”
Marshall Goldsmith: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful

There is a principle in Alcoholics Anonymous called “mutuality.” It means that the relationship between the sponsor and the one being sponsored is lateral, not hierarchical. It’s not one person depending upon another, it is two people depending upon each other. The sponsor needs the one being sponsored as much as the other needs him or her.

Mutuality lies at the heart of every win-win relationship. It is also the underpinning of every great organization. Schools are great when teachers know that they need their students as much as their students need them. Hospitals are great when caregivers know that they need their patients as much as their patients need them. Companies are great when employees know that they need their customers as much as their customers need them. Leaders are great when they know that they need their followers as much as their followers need them.

Mutuality is a great antidote to arrogance, complacence, and self-centeredness. It is the fuel for a great career and for a great life, because it is the key ingredient of trusting relationships.

The best time to begin a more conscious practice of mutuality is when your world has turned upside down because that is when you are most acutely aware of how greatly you need other people’s help, and are most willing to accept that help.

Just don’t forget the lesson when the world is right-side-up again.